So, I said to him...

Things you never said to anyone at work but just wish that you had.

• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• I have plenty of talent and vision.  I just don't give a damn.
• I like you.  You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
• What am I?  Flypaper for freaks!?
• I'm not being rude.  You're just insignificant.
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• Ahhh... I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• How about never?  Is never good for you?
• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
• You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication
• Are you a fucking ray of sunshine every day?
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
• I don't work here.  I'm a consultant.
• Who me?  I just wander from room to room.
• My toys!  My toys!  I can't do this job without my toys!
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
• At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously  and change the subject.
• I think you are "over sharing".
• Well this day was a total waste of make-up.

 
• A hard on doesn't count as personal growth.
• Do I look like a fucking people person?
• This isn't an office, it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
• I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• You!... Off my planet!
• If I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
• Does your train of thought have a caboose?
• The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• And your cry-baby whiny arsed opinion would be...?
• See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
• Allow me to introduce myselves.
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Suburbia: Where they tear out all the trees and them name the streets after them.
• Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
• I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realise you haven't been to sleep yet.
• I Have a computer, a vibrator and pizza delivery, why should I leave the house?
• Can I trade this job for whatever's behind door number 2?
• Okay, okay I take it back. Unfuck you!
• Macho law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Not all men are annoying. Some of them are dead.
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Chaos, panic, disorder - My work here is done.
• A woman's favourite position is CEO
• Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
• And which dwarf are you?
• I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paycheques.
• How do I set the laser printer to stun?
• It isn't the size, its what... no, its the size.