So, I said to him...
Things you never said to anyone at work but just wish that you had.
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The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're
an artist.
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I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard
to pronounce.
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Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
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I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give
a damn.
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I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and
stupid.
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What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
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I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
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I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
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Ahhh... I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
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I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about
you.
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It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn
off.
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Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
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No, my powers can only be used for good.
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How about never? Is never good for you?
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I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to
worship me.
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You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication
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Are you a fucking ray of sunshine every day?
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I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
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I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
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I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
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Who me? I just wander from room to room.
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My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without
my toys!
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It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular
level I'm really quite busy.
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At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive
habits.
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You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
in public.
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Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and
change the subject.
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I think you are "over sharing".
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Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
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A hard on doesn't count as personal growth.
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Do I look like a fucking people person?
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This isn't an office, it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
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I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
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I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.
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If I throw a stick, will you leave?
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You!... Off my planet!
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If I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, I'll put
shoes on my cat.
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Does your train of thought have a caboose?
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The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth
was flat.
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Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
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Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
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And your cry-baby whiny arsed opinion would be...?
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See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
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Allow me to introduce myselves.
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Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
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What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
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Suburbia: Where they tear out all the trees and them name
the streets after them.
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Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
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I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
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I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
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A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
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Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realise you
haven't been to sleep yet.
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I Have a computer, a vibrator and pizza delivery, why should
I leave the house?
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Can I trade this job for whatever's behind door number 2?
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Okay, okay I take it back. Unfuck you!
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Macho law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
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Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
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Not all men are annoying. Some of them are dead.
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
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Chaos, panic, disorder - My work here is done.
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A woman's favourite position is CEO
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Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if
you touch me?
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And which dwarf are you?
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I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paycheques.
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How do I set the laser printer to stun?
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It isn't the size, its what... no, its the size.